Been having trouble lately deciding what it’s most appropriate to worry about. I mean, this adulting shit is off the charts sometimes, right? I said to my mom the other day, “I’m just doing way too much adulting lately.” My mom is over 80 years old and a woman who started having kids at 19, completing her herd at 39 (with moi). She’s like, “what’s that?” To this woman the prospect of not adulting is inconceivable; it’s all she’s ever done, and pretty much without a single complaint. It must be insane to her to see the age of “adulthood” continuously increase with each decade. It was 20, then 25, then 30 for me (ish) technically (when I had a baby) and it seems to be approaching 40 for the infamous generation we call Millennials. And most of my Generation X set, we go through the motions of adulting but 80s Rock, fast cars and keg parties are still very close to our hearts. Closer by the minute. And by adulting (which is underlined in red because it’s not a word), I don’t mean just having a job. Kids can have jobs. Jobs are easy. They can even make good money. But true adulting, it involves heartache, pain, caring way too much, keeping other people fed and alive, and worrying. Lots of worrying.
So on that day last week, I woke up with a plethora of worries in my head. All of them, ending in complete and utter devastation - all of it hanging on decisions I make. Human trafficking. What junior high school will be best for my son? The Twighlight Zone of a country we live in. What if we make the wrong decision? Guns. How do I pay for my 15 year old’s college if she doesn't get a scholarship? Have I fed my kids too much food made with GMO corn? Have I over-parented my kids, rendering them incapable of making their own decisions? What if they end up in bad relationships? My aging parents. When I calm myself down about these things with temporary solutions, then it becomes about me. Does my husband think I’m a total nag and just fake like he likes me? Am I producing enough at work? Do I have job security? Am I not giving my kids the attention they need because of work? Why don’t I write or do anything creative any more? Why aren’t there enough hours in the day? And then, we get to the the superficial shit. Should I be lifting weights or will it bulk me up? Should I do less cardio and more yoga? Do I need to be using Retinol? Do I need to intermittent fast in order to lose weight or should I eat 6 meals a day? Keto? Paleo? Should I just stop eating altogether? When am I going to frame all those damn pictures I had printed. Will I ever get to go to Italy?
And it’s totally possible for that to all happen within a morning or sleepless night. It’s exhausting, right?
So about adulting, it’s a real bitch but we can do this and I will never apologize or stop defending my God-given right to bitch about it at happy hour with my friends. #nopills #justwine #friendship